Crouching SSBM, Hidden Microsoft
by Brazrak
Summary: Disses X-Box! No Flames! REVIEW!


Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM or any characters from it, or the X-Box, or the Gamecube, or any characters from any Microsoft or Nintendo game!!! Wait that's a bad thing. DARN!  
  
1 Crouching SSBM, Hidden Microsoft  
  
One day in Hyrule, all of the SSBM characters were gathered in the castle for a meeting.  
  
Link: reading a game magazine Hey, we got good reviews! Four point nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine!  
  
Ness: OI! You dope! That's 4.9,999,999!  
  
Link: Isn't that what I just said?  
  
Ness: annoyed Ugh.  
  
Zelda: Hey! That's not what we came here for. We came here to discuss how much better the X-Box's review are than the Gamecube's! Damn you Bill Gates…  
  
Link and Ness: I knew that…  
  
Zelda: Ok, let's get down to business. starts reading an article about the reviews of game consoles The Gamecube's score averaged out to 0.000000000000000000000000000000001 out of twenty-eight thousand, while the X-Box got all twenty-eight thousand. Therefore, if the X-Box's score doesn't drop, Nintendo will go out of business. This will, unfortunately, cause all of the characters to disappear forever, including the ones from the most popular game since the Sega first came out, Super Smash Bros. Melee. stops reading That's bad.  
  
Falco: No shit, genius.  
  
Zelda: ignoring Falco So we better start heading towards the Microsoft headquarters.  
  
All: Bum, bum, buuuuuuum!  
  
Suddenly, we see an old, demented Nintendo character, Slippy from Starfox64, fly flaming up the side of the building and disintegrate.  
  
Slippy: dazed I'm ok… falls off the side of the castle where he was hanging AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (splat!)  
  
All: Eeeeeewwwwwwwwww…  
  
Fox: YIPPPPPEEEEEEEE- I mean, what a terrible fate to my dear friend fake coughs Slippy…  
  
Link: Wasn't he investigating Microsoft?  
  
Zelda: Yes, why?  
  
Link: annoyed Because maybe HE JUST BLEW UP?!?!  
  
Zelda: Oh, that. Well, this sure makes things harder.  
  
Falco: When dya figure that out, smart one?  
  
Zelda: Just now. Why do you ask?  
  
All: bewildered at Zelda's idiocy  
  
Ten minutes later, the SSBM crew is aboard the Great Fox headed toward Microsoft.  
  
Link: Nice 'n' roomy in here. Where dya get it Fox?  
  
Fox: My dad built it a few years ago. Nice ain't it?  
  
Link: Yeah. You shoulda seen the cars in Captain Falcon's game. They were awesome!  
  
C. Falcon: appears out of nowhere Ya really like those cars? I have a spare, do ya wan' it?  
  
Link: bewildered Yeah!!!  
  
Samus: to Zelda Oi, car talk.  
  
Zelda: Tell me about it. I have to put up with it every day.  
  
Finally, after three hours of Link talking about how cool Captain Falcon is, they arrive at Microsoft.  
  
Guard 1: Hey, isn't that the Great Fox?  
  
Guard 2: I think it is.  
  
Guard 1: Let's get em'. jumps in a ship and flies towards the Great Fox with Guard 2  
  
Guard 2: It's Fox!!! flies to the cockpit Fox, Fox, can I have your autograph? PLEEEAAAAASSSEEE!!!  
  
Fox: ……ok………  
  
Guard 1&2: YES!!!  
  
Falco: shoots the guards with his phaser Let's get on with it.  
  
As the Great Fox flies towards the building, a great evil is brewing up a plan.  
  
Bill Gates: evilly Yes, yes, into the trap, Nintendo freaks.  
  
Servant: Um, master, why are you plotting against my favorite characters?  
  
Bill Gates: shoots servant Imbecile! You won't stop my plotting! Where was I? Oh yes. Closer Fox, closer, yes, yes. Die evil beings!! You dare try to destroy the precious X-Box? BURN IN HELL!!!  
  
Back at the Great Fox…  
  
Link: Why is the ship shaking like this?  
  
C. Falcon: IT'S A TRAP!  
  
Falco: No shit.  
  
C. Falcon: Do you even care we're all gonna die?  
  
Falco: Not really. Actually, I was born heartless.  
  
C. Falcon: mumbles Not too hard to figure that out…  
  
Falco: I heard that!  
  
Link: Hello-o, am I the only one who cares that the ship is going to blow up in a few seconds?  
  
All: stands straight up What?! runs around screaming like babies  
  
Jigglypuff: POOOOOOOOFF!!! flies out the air hatch  
  
Kirby: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!  
  
Falco: sitting calmly in a chair No shit.  
  
Fox: Do you have to swear in every sentence?  
  
Falco: Yes- I mean, damn right.  
  
Fox: Oi.  
  
  
  
  
  
2 To Be Continued…  
  
Zelda: Hey, don't leave us waiting? We're going to blow up!  
  
3 Ok…  
  
Zelda: Thank you.  
  
4 The End  
  
Zelda: HEY!!  
  
Make up you mind already! To Be Continued…  
  
Zelda: Whatever…  
  
Link: No cliffhanger, come on! I wanna know if I die!  
  
5 Ok, you do! Now end the story already!  
  
Link: But I don't wanna die!  
  
OH WELL!!!  
  
Link: I do' wanna! I DO' WANNA!!! starts bawling  
  
6 SCREW YOU!!!  
  
Link: still bawling KEEP WRITING!! WWWAAAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
7 FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: immediately stops bawling Thank you!  
  
8 AAUUUUGGGGHH!  
  
…0_o… Anyways, the evil Bill Gates has set a trap for our heroes, and it seems the Great Fox will blow up any second!!!  
  
Fox: Everyone take an Arwing! We might make it, and we- AUUGH! is knocked down by mad rush to the Arwings  
  
Link: I get to ride an Arwing? This is the best day of my life!  
  
Falco: grins Go for Peppy's! It's full of horse shit!!!  
  
Link: ignores Falco I'll take Peppy's. EEEEWWWWWW!!! You're right! Need… fresh… air… GASP!  
  
Skipping ahead (too bad, I wanted to hear Link complain some more) to when the SSBM crew are raiding Microsoft.  
  
Link: Why'd I get stuck with Peppy's ship?  
  
Zelda: How do you drive this? AAAAH! swerves out of control and hits Pikachu  
  
Pikachu: PIKA! blows up  
  
Zelda: Saved by a rode- what used to be a rodent. How sad.  
  
Falco: shooting randomly with high power lasers and bombs YEEEEEE-HAAA!! blows up Pichu YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Mewtwo: YES! RID OF THE RODENDS!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO- hits a wall and blows up  
  
Fox: Phase one complete. We've killed all the Pokemon. Good thing I rigged all their ships!  
  
DK: Grrrr!! Grr? GRRRRRRRRR!!!!! blows up  
  
Samus: He said he bumped Pichu out of the way to get a good ship. Then he said SHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!  
  
Zelda: struggling with the controls Don't forget what we came here for. TO DESTROY MICROSOFT!!!  
  
As the final "amen" was said to Zelda's statement, Peppy flies in a brand new Arwing, which he has a horse in the back of.  
  
Peppy: Ah'll save ya! shoots all the bombs possible to get in Starfox64 and Microsoft blows up  
  
Bill Gates: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Mine, my own, my precioussss does a very accurate imitation of Gollum from the Lord of the Rings, WHICH I DON'T OWN!! all gone! WAHHHH- blows up with Microsoft  
  
Falco: If I knew it was that easy, I wouldn't of come! DAMN!! SCREW YOU PEPPY!!!  
  
Zelda: Well, a job well done I guess.  
  
Link: What about Sony? The Playstation2 did better than us!  
  
All: DAMN!  
  
9 To Be Continued…  
  
Zelda: Whatever…  
  
  
  
  
  
Please R+R. Chapter 2 will be comin' soon! 


End file.
